I believe that life is a gift. It is the ceaseless soul's opportunity to experience joy and awe and the miraculous impermanence of all that we see and comprehend. But it is also the soul's opportunity to experience hatred, sorrow, defeat, and heartbreak. I believe that life is something to be revered and respected, with humility and appreciation, as it is unarguably nothing more than a fleeting moment in the story of this place. How arrogant we'd have to be, to think that our name would ever be whispered by the stars; where even a whisper would consume all that we know and hold so dear.
We are an egotistical bunch--us humans--and fortunately so, as the ego sustains us. It is by ego alone that we possess such an innate desire to live. But make no mistake, the very thing that sustains us is also the culprit that clings with all it's might to the presence of those around us. We seek permanence, security, and safety in the things we know, yet we live in a place where these things cannot be guaranteed, or better yet (though perhaps not for some), are not even possible. I believe that it is within this disconnect that mourning exists.
Now... We all possess an ego, and I am obviously without exception, but the only way to love humans as we are is to accept the fact that this ego will inevitably seek comfort in the things it knows to provide security and happiness. But let me ask you... whether it's love lost, or life lost... Have you ever missed someone for their sake? Is it even possible? I can understand saying "I wish he could have been here, because he would have wanted to experience this," but to me, that's not missing or mourning... To me, that is doing the very thing that I believe we are all capable of doing; namely, acknowledging the qualities of a person we were blessed to have known.
Mourning is something entirely different. To me--and a dictionary or two--mourning is the mental and physical manifestation of a person's sorrow or loss. But what is possibly lost in this place where possession and permanence are impossible?? What happened at a loved one's passing is nothing more than exactly what you KNEW would happen! We experienced the light of life in another, and this is never something to be sad about. So why are we sad?? In my humble opinion, it is the disconnect between the reality of our existence, and the expectation that we create by way of the ego. How arrogant to think that we are entitled to experience any life a day longer than we have? Or ever will? We are in no way entitled to anything more than we are given, and as quickly as we came, we are swept away. There were 15,327 people that died in the tsunami of March 2011, and I ask you to consider how strongly you felt for those lives lost, relative to the way you felt when you experienced the loss of a single life more dear to your heart. There is only a difference in those feelings because of the sense of entitlement that the ego creates. "This was mine, it was taken from me." "That was theirs, and as sad as it is, it was taken from them." You never said those things, but the ego does, and neither statement bears any truth.
I am more confident that these things are equal when seen through a lens that is not skewed by the ego. To have seen the light of life in a one year old child, or my saintly grandmother who knew it was her time; to have shared a life with a best friend or lover, or to have made nothing more than the memorable acquaintance. The passing of these people is not a loss. We only say that because we are blinded by the ego from seeing solely or consistently the amazing gift that we were given! What's more, those lives were nothing more, and nothing less than exactly as they were meant to be. And to be aware of that; to know how fleeting this time is... it should do nothing for you but to inspire gratitude and humility for the opportunity we have. It should do nothing for you but to free you from the bounds of the ego, and to open your heart to what true, selfless love really is... the complete acceptance of all things in another, good or bad.
To me, at least if not only, it makes sense that I feel this way, because I believe to my core that the soul rightfully belongs in another place--otherwise this place would be our respite; our "better place." I would mourn them if I felt that they were going to a place where they would suffer more than we obviously do here, but what grounds do we have for believing such a thing? --So why waste the time?
Rather, look back fondly on the lives that have touched you, and let that touch bring forward in you only the best parts of you, that their memory will not be tainted by the difficult time that your ego put you through, but illuminated by the person that their hands helped mould.
Your forgiveness is requested. For I am human too, and the part of me that writes this is wholly separate from the part of me that loves. And though I hope to celebrate their lives, the tears will stream down my face at the loss of my loved ones, and I respectfully request that you give me the option to read your words, just as I have given you the option not to read mine.
There is big love in this heart for all of you, and I thank you again for taking the time.
-BKS
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