The Discovery Process

"Becoming an overnight success takes 10-15 years." -Robert Herjavec (though perhaps not originally)

While golf and I have been at odds the last few weeks due to both physical and psychological reasons, I feel that I have been making ground on "me." A lot has changed since I first posted to this blog, and I think it's important to get it all down, more for me than for you, but in the hopes that we both might take something from it.

Passion was the dominant word in my previous post, and I am still of the opinion that if you are to live at all, you should probably do so with at least a modicum of passion and gratitude. But I have learned the danger of using a passion to avoid facing a much deeper issue. For me, I fear that I have used golf as a place-holder; something to fill the void that exists when a so-called "plan" goes awry. It is not uncommon for people to avoid discomfort by delving into an all-encompassing task. Unfortunately, this discomfort has more to do with what I want to do with my life, than with who I am. There is a relationship between the two, however, that expresses itself in the way that I feel about what I do.

Though I've been taking lessons, I have not been practicing golf. (Here's where we learn something about who I am...) It is harder to write that than it is to actually live it. Why?? In my opinion, it is because of precedent. I have led others to believe that I am passionate about this game, and I have, in the past, been the person who is last on the driving range or putting green. Do I love the game? Absolutely. But can I honestly say that I have the desire to put in the hours that I used to? No. And I don't need to psychoanalyze myself and dig deep into my soul to figure that out. But I feel guilty saying all of it to you, and I shouldn't.

Your actions always express the most prominent of your desires. Many people misunderstand this statement, because they only consider their conscious desires, and neglect the innate or instinctive desires that drive our actions far more often than we would like to acknowledge. For example, many people would like to feel better about their physical appearance, and are physically capable of putting in the work, so they say "If what you're saying is true, and I REALLY want this, how come I still look and feel this way?" Obviously, those individuals consciously want to see something different in the mirror, or on the scale, but my bet is that when they aren't consciously looking, they sabotage their goals. I am confident that if you take an inventory of their actions on a daily basis, you'll see a habitual pattern that either perpetuates or reinforces where they are now, and they may not even know it! It's a day off from the gym, a dessert that I (admittedly) would not have passed on either, a step on the scale that only confirms, deep down, what they already knew...

Conversely, I have begun using this approach to stop asserting who I should be, or who I want to be, and to start learning about who I actually am. Why? Because I don't actually know!  And here's the kicker... That's OKAY! Did you know that I spend a ridiculous amount of my time researching investments? And I mean... ridiculous. I used to spend that time playing and practicing golf; it was all I cared about. And so, I have spent an inordinate amount of time feeling guilty about my actions. I have known all along what I should be doing (based on the completely arbitrary goal of winning major championships), but the separation between my actions and the single-minded pursuit that my mind knows is the only way to achieve the lofty goals that I consistently set for myself, is impossible to ignore. Rather, I've begun looking at my actions, and the way I speak about these actions, and I've begun to tell myself, "You know what? I don't know what the end-game looks like, but I know that I LOVE what I'm doing right now, and whatever the end-game may be? It's going to be the result of all this time and effort and hard work, which really isn't hard work at all!"

I've never known a man whose success story was written against his will.

If the desire comes back? You'll know it, because you'll find me on the range. But for the time being, I'm going to invest my time in the things that I desire more than anything else. And you'll know what those are by where you'll find me.

Thank you for your time! Best to all of you!