To revisit briefly, I last spoke about how my (our) actions are a pretty strong indicator of the conscious or habitual patterns that reflect what our strongest desires really are. I have come this far and I believe that I was correct about golf. I was using it as a placeholder; something comfortable to fall into after my life "plan" fell elsewhere. I appreciate the value of a placeholder, and I think everybody should have something or somebody that just feels like home, for times like that. I think it's probably preferable to KNOW you're going to this comfortable place to escape something, that way you don't fill your mind with misplaced delusions of grandeur... Of course... I see delusions of grandeur everywhere I turn (keep reading, you'll see), so maybe that doesn't apply to you. But I know I've seen it before; the girl (or man) that repeatedly goes back to the same lover, despite knowing how poorly it has turned out in the past, and finds him/herself thinking that maybe it will be different this time. And why? Because it's easier to be in the failed relationship you know, than to be alone and uncertain about the future. If Voltaire has taught me anything, it's that doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.
And coming full circle, I finally find myself free from the bounds of certainty, and healthy enough psychologically and emotionally to deal with the blows of uncertainty. And this is my pursuit...
I'm going to start my own hedge fund.
I have no idea what will come of this, and that's okay, but I know that I have a certain knack for finding value in the marketplace, and in the zero-sum world of investing, I am cocky enough to believe that I can do so with enough proficiency to make myself, and the people I love, a lot of money. I don't come from a particularly wealthy background, and I see the bounds of the middle-class psychology running rampant in those closest to me. I know what it means to believe that you deserve more, and I believe in my soul that this is something to be nurtured, both in myself and those around me. I cannot tell you how bad I want to show the people I love that there is faith placed in any investment, but well placed, an investment can open the doors of possibility. I'm not talking about finance anymore. I want people to cry with joy at the sight of a life they didn't think was possible.
I'm going to change the way money is run. And I'm going to break down the doors of the psychological prison that so many of us live in.
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